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<FONT face="Courier New">Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, "What about the powerful interest that controls you?"
And the other guy screamed back, "You leave my wife out of this!"
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A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
He said, "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
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At an outdoor press conference, Al Gore was addressing harsh criticism of being "lifeless as a statue."
"That is absurd," Gore stoically stated. "When elected, the people of America will see just how passionate and alive I truly am."
Embarrassed for her husband, Tipper, leaned in to whisper, "Honey, you have a pigeon on your head."
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The Clinton's are certainly running a rock and roll presidency! It ain't workin', Hillary wants our money for nothin' and Bill wants his chicks for free!
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On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, an incident they say has been covered up by the military.
March 31, 1948, nine months after that day, Al Gore was born.
That clears up a lot of things.
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Saddam Hussein is wondering why the United Nations won't approve a "no-open-fly zone" around the Oval Office.
They're going to put two new faces on Mt. Rushmore. Bill Clinton's.
President Clinton said Monday he is "looking forward" to being the husband of a senator. The way he figures it, he can finally do to a Senator what they did to him.
NY Democrats are handing out bumper stickers saying "Run, Hillary, Run!" NY Republicans are putting them on their FRONT bumpers.
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
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What do Bill Clinton and the Pharaoh's daughter who discovered baby Moses have in common?
They both washed themselves in de Nile.
Three new bonds are being issued:
Lewinsky bond: Has no maturity
Gore bond: Has no interest
Clinton bond: Has no principle
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Federal Bureau of Investigation
Crime Lab 2A-3356N, Wash DC
DNA Test Results: Clinton, William Jefferson
Dear Mr. Starr:
The test on the dress came back inconclusive. Everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA.
Sorry,
The FBI
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Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean."
Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"
"No," says Monica. "Mustard."
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Reagan, Bush, and Clinton all went on a cruise together. While the ship was out in the sea, it hit an iceberg and started to sink. Quickly, Reagan yelled out, "Women and children first!"
Bush then cried, "Screw the women!"
To which, Clinton responded, "Do you think we have time?"
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Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps off Air Force One with two pigs under his arms. At the bottom of the steps, he says to the honor guardsman, "These are genuine Arkansas Razor-Back Hogs. I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary."
The guardsman replies, "Nice trade, Sir."
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What is Bill's idea of safe sex?
A locked door.
What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection?
"Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door."
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What is Clinton's best asset?
His lie-ability.
What fraternity did Clinton join at collage?
I Phelta Thi.
What is the sub title to the Starr Report?
The President has No Clothes.
Did you Hear that Clinton won an Oscar?
He won for the most dramatic score...
How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they are to busy screwing the President.
Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?
The nation.
How is Bill Clinton like an unemployed school teacher?
No class and no principals.
The American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle" because he is so full of shit that he can't fly.
What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a greedy politician?
Chelsea!
What's 12 inches long, 3 inches wide and hangs in front of an asshole?
Bill Clintons' tie.
What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
His faces.
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Clinton, Perot, and Dole were on air force one flying to Washington, when Perot got up and threw a 100 dollar bill out the window. "I just made one person happy."
Not to be out done Dole stood up and threw 2 50 dollar bills out. "I just made two people happy."
To get in the act Clinton threw out 100 1 dollar bills. "I just made 100 people happy."
The pilot over hearing the whole situation said, "If you guys don't shut up, I will throw all of you out and make 300 million people happy."
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The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog. Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it.
Hillary just hired a new White House intern ... LORENNA BOBBIT!
Most people worry about getting AIDS from SEX.
Bill worries about getting SEX from AIDES!
Hillary's new book: "It Takes A Village..."
"...To Satisfy My Husband"
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A philandering pres named Bill,
Was married to a lawyer named "Hill."
He played on the side,
And repeatedly lied,
'Cuz his female intern said, "I will!"
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Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. The umpire walks up to the VIP section and says something.
Suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over the wall onto the field.
The stunned umpired shouts, "No, Mr. President! I said, "Throw the first PITCH!"
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One day, Clinton angrily called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office.
He said, "Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!"
"Yes Sir, Mr. President," the interior decorator replies. "I'll take those mirrors out right away!"
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Bill Clinton is jogging around and tells a Secret Service man, "I can't wait to get back to the White House so I can rip Monica's panties off!"
The serviceman replies, "Aren't you a bit frisky sir?
Bill says, "Nah..they're just riding up my crack!"</FONT> |
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