evodarren jokes

evodarren

<DIV class=title>SEX WHEN YOU'RE 100</DIV>
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother to comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today."

evodarren

<DIV class=title>LITTLE BILLY</DIV>
It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher decides to do taste association. "I'll blindfold you and give you a lifesaver, and you tell me what flavor it is," she tells the children. So she gives them all a cherry flavor, and says, "What flavor is that?"

The whole class answers "Mmm, that's cherry."

"Very good," the teacher replies. So she gives them all a grape and they reply, "Mmm, that's grape."

"Very good," she says again.

Then she gives them all a honey flavor. The whole class sits perplexed by the strange taste, so the teacher says "OK, I'll give you a hint, it's something your parents might call each other."

Billy spits his out on the floor and yells, "Spit them out everyone, they're ASSHOLES!"

evodarren

<DIV class=title>TRAINING TO PEE</DIV>
Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:

1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up

She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking he did good.

Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5, 3-5, 3-5...

evodarren

<DIV class=title>THE UGLY KID</DIV>
There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful blonde teenage daughters. The parents decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife became pregnant, and sure enough, nine months later she delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child.

"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."

evodarren

<DIV class=title>POLITICIANS</DIV>
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicians, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The farmer said, "I buried them all... out back." The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how those politicians lie."

francis019

好惨的~politicians[em03]